Love and Relationships: Where are all the Good Black Men? (Guest Post by Quentin Squirewell)

Published on Wednesday, October 27, 2010 in , , , , ,

Where are all the good black men? This is a question often posed by black women of all ages. From young to old there seems to be a huge deficit of quality African-American men, or so we are lead to believe. The truth is that there are some good brothers out there, however, most sisters are going about the selection process the wrong way. 

These days women want a finished product, but sometimes a man needs to be molded. Now I’m not saying go out and do a remolding project, just a few upgrades. An example would be a house. If you purchase a house fully equipped with all the amenities it will be far more expensive and sought after than the nice fixer upper. The same goes for a man. Though it is a woman’s desire to find a man who is already established with a good job, nice car, and home this is often times wishful thinking. If a man has all of this you can be fairly certain that he already has a woman. On the other hand a woman should never be a crutch for a man, a couple should be equally yoked. You can only help someone who wants to be helped. When my wife and I got together I was far from the man I am today, I can honestly say she helped me mature from a boy to a man. However, just as she has helped and supported me she will say that I did the same for her. The key here is that a relationship has to be cultivated. A garden just doesn’t grow, seeds have to be planted, watered, and tended to. You can’t get the butterfly without the caterpillar. 

Also a major issue that I have witnessed firsthand is how women will initially ignore the guy who is “too nice”, or a little awkward only to regret it later. Ladies exactly what is “too nice”? Now I do understand how a pushover can be aggravating, but what about the guy who just wants to give you his all? What’s up with this? Would you rather have someone who views you only as an option, or a “buddy”? News Flash- their sentiments about you won’t change! By the time you figure this out and realize that you want to be a priority and not an option the nice guy has found someone who reciprocates his feelings. Now what do you say “a good man is hard to find”. How about the awkward looking guy with a good head on his shoulders? Why is this guy not of interest to you until you have been ran through? Always remember glasses can be removed, weight can be lost, better clothes can be bought, but a jerk will always be a jerk. Take a chance a nice guy who isn’t necessarily your type, you may be pleasantly surprised. Perspectives are shaped by experiences. If all you have dealt with are are no good, drop shot men you will become jaded and view all men through a negative lens. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. If you deal with the same type of man over and over and get the same results don’t blame him, it’s time for you to try something new. Don’t be afraid of what your friends may think if you date a guy outside of your norm. Odds are if they are hating on you they either don’t have a man or are in a dysfunctional relationship. All in all there are some good brothers out there, they just have to be found.

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2 Response to Love and Relationships: Where are all the Good Black Men? (Guest Post by Quentin Squirewell)

October 27, 2010 at 9:11 PM

I agree. Great post. I would only add that men are not always the only ones that need work. In a relationship both parties should grow together and bring out the best in one another. Most people, women included, don't have life perfectly figured out. The great thing about a relationship is finding someone that can help you along the way. As a friend of mine put it. "It's a lot easier to hate and talk shit about me, than to be willing to build a real partnership with me." Looks, money, clothes, and popularity, while nice, are not the building blocks of a successful partnership.

October 27, 2010 at 9:20 PM

Chuck...we totally agree! One person does not make a relationship, and both people should work equally hard to nurture and maintain it so they along with the relationship with grow and flourish to their full potential! Well spoken!