The Settlement: Bare Essentials or Fully Loaded?

Published on Monday, December 6, 2010 in , , , , ,

Well, when it comes to choosing relationships, I prefer all the upgrades I can get. How about you? Would you rather cling to the minimum—some random guy with a pulse—or wait on the person who’s willing to grow with you and build a sturdy foundation for you all to stand on later? Hmm… decision, decisions.

Now that the decisions have been made, how exactly do we settle for more and not less?

First off, focus on the permanent and not the temporary! Remember, money can be lost, the popular can be forgotten, and 22’s can be stolen…lmao, but what really attracted you to this man in the first place? Was it his intelligence, his personality, his physical appearance? Yea, yea…Everyone wants to find a partner they find attractive, but beauty fades. Personality is forever. He may have a banging body that’s tatted to perfection right now, but stick around a few more years when those guns start resembling flabby water pistols and those tats start looking more like stretched out hieroglyphics. And let me know whether or not your settlement made you satisfied.

Personal growth should also be a must! Who wants to be in relationship that’s stuck in a rut? The time you spent together means nothing if the spark that brought you together isn’t still there. Being together just because it’s been three years and you’re used to him should not be the ONLY reason making you stay. If you’ve grown apart and the spark left 5 months ago, you should’ve left with it (assuming you two have done everything you could think of to rekindle your relationship). Everybody has their comfort zone, but sometimes you need somebody in your life that is willing to expand your horizons and help you take the first steps outside your box.

My last point is the biggest one, and if you got nothing else from this post, get this: SELFISH HAS NO PLACE IN A RELATIONSHIP, BUT SELFLESS DOES. If you focus on doing all you can to make him happy and lighten his load so to speak and he does the same for you, then that would be one happy couple. Both of you would be focused on giving more than receiving, and that alone would keep you both satisfied. When he gives faithfulness, you gain security. When you give a listening ear, he gains a person he can trust, and vice versa. Most of the time we refuse to let it work this way, though. Instead we focus on what the other person never does for us, and why—dare I say it—he ain’t worth &%^. Take the time to set up the foundation for a relationship. Talk about what a healthy relationship means to you, and most importantly be willing to compromise and learn from one another.

So I hope all my DOLLS decide to settle for more—not less! Know your worth and don’t be afraid to set some ground rules. Remember that a relationship should be about the two of you, and what works for you may not necessarily be in the best interest of your partner all the time. Even though he may be a member of the male species and have a reliable pulse, that’s not all we need. It’s sad to say that as we get higher in age, some of our most basic requirements pull more disappearing acts than David Copperfield, but I know my DOLLS aren’t willing to settle for anything less than happiness anyway, right?

If you agree or disagree with this post, let us know. We WANT to hear from you. Leave a comment! Nice hearing from you in advance! :)

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3 Response to The Settlement: Bare Essentials or Fully Loaded?

December 6, 2010 at 8:25 PM

I honestly believe many ladies already know that it's more than looks that make for happy and healthy relationships. What I feel is an even bigger issue than picking the wrong dude is not just settling, but settling out of fear of being alone. We all have that friend or family member that jumps from guy to guy without ever taking pause to be by herself...It's okay to just be. In fact, I believe it to be healthy. How can you bring great things to the relationship table when you don't know what you have? I believe it is extremely important to know yourself, learn to appreciate yourself, and be comfortable with yourself before you seek companionship. How can you expect someone else to love you, flaws and all, if you haven't learned how to deal with your flaws or nevertheless, to love yourself?

December 6, 2010 at 9:43 PM

As a young African American married couple this blog speaks the truth. Relationships are like homes, they must be built on a solid foundation or the howling winds of life will destroy it. In order to be a successful couple the individual "I" has to be traded in for a collective "we." Futhermore, a couple must grow together and communicate daily in order to minimize problems and ensure the long term health of their relationship. Never settle for less than you deserve!

December 6, 2010 at 10:06 PM

I completely agree that one should NOT settle when one is unhappy with the relationship, but I think that more people should take time to evaluate why they are attracted to certain people. [and also why certain people are attracted to them]Many fail to see that the reason that one is drawn towards someone is because of the similarities that one refuses to see in themselves. It is almost as if people have begun to set themselves on a pedestal as if they set the standard for perfection (the perfect mate) when in actuality the same traits that drew you to this "undeserving man" are the same traits one carries.