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Top Flight Security: Don’t Get in a Relationship without Some!

Published on Thursday, December 30, 2010 in , , ,

New beginnings are all around us…and it’s making me all kinds of excited about what is waiting for me in 2011 whether it’s in love, life, or success. Make sure you really think about your decisions in the upcoming year, though. Have a reason for everything you do, and stand firmly behind your decision—not because you have to, but because you want to.

I’ve always been told that only “Fools Rush In”, and with that being said, don’t you dare go, hop, skip, jump, or gallivant into a relationship  without feeling secure in what both of you can bring to the table. Have you talked things out and asked the NECESSARY questions? Did you build a friendship and take it from there? If so, my hat goes off to you. That’s a great start, but even if you did all those things, no relationship has a built in guarantee—no matter how good it seems.

Good things can always take a turn down South UNEXPECTEDLY. Hopefully they won’t, but I’m just saying you can’t predict the difficult times ahead either. There’s no magic expiration date where you guys just mutually decide, “Hey on 12/03/2011 we’re gonna go bad so let’s live it up while we can. We’ll just part ways and remain friends.”

However, if you put the time in, put forth some extra effort, and get some Top Flight Security on your side that helps you patch up the rough spots, then there’s no telling where you could end up.

What’s Top Flight Security, you may ask? Hmm…it’s better demonstrated than written about, but I’ll do my best to give you a bit of both.

Scenario 1: A friend of mine was feeling underappreciated in his relationship. Of course, being the man he was, he didn’t waltz up to me and say, “Kirsten, I feel underappreciated and taken for granted, and it saddens me.” It went more like, “What in the *&)&P$( I take her out close to three times a week. I surprise her at work with flowers and such, and all I get in return is, ‘Ummmmm…what’s next? Why can’t we go out five times this week instead of three?’”  No matter how much he did for her it wasn’t enough.

Security Check 1: Before committing to someone, communication is the first thing that ultimately secures the relationship you’re building. Discuss your expectations—all of them.  The more you plan ahead emotionally, physically, and spiritually, the better off you all will be in the end. Just like he didn’t know he would be footing a hefty dating bill you could’ve very well ended up going dutch because ya’ll didn’t discuss who pays for what. Communication comes to so much more, though. It defines your relationship or lack thereof. Some people actually consider themselves “Together,” but not in a relationship simply because they always check “Single” on their tax returns. Avoid the lost love, and hash out what a relationship status truly means to you both—whether it’s how you show appreciation for each other or determining how your faith affects your relationship and so much more.

Scenario 2: “What’s the pass code to ya phone!!!!!” *He leaves the room, and you put in every four digit number you can think of under the sun into his phone* You see the way his co-worker has been looking at him lately, and it makes your blood boil to a certain degree. She’s made several flirtatious remarks in front of you so just what in high heaven goes on when you’re not there. You’re steaming, but he swears they’re just friends and nothing’s going on.

Security Check 2: Pass Code???? REALLY? Where’s the trust? If it’s completely gone, why are you still there? Make sure you are communicating and letting him know how you feel. I just recently learned the difference between communication and confrontation myself so let me clue you in. This is NOT communication: “I see how ya’ll look at each other. Something’s going on between you two. Go ahead and say it. You cheated, didn’t you? ßNever say this, and if you do say it, don’t keep repeating it. You just gave him a reason to cheat. In a Man’s World, he believes that he’s already guilty of something he didn’t do so why not go ahead and have at it. If he gets treated like a cheater anyway, why should he be faithful? (Note: I learned that from three of my bestest male friends…smh lol)

Security Check 3: Be aware of your surroundings. Even though, it was a man in this scenario getting all the flirtatious attention, it could very well be the other way around. Either way, step back and switch roles. If your partner was getting hit on by someone else, how would you expect them to handle it? Would you want them to entertain it or nip it in the bud? Figure out what your HONEST answer would be, and act accordingly. If you think you’ve been handling the situation in a way that disrespects your significant other, address the issue and apologize.

Scenario 3: “He makes me so angry. I can’t stand when he…*insert detailed account of personal problem here and wait eagerly for ALL of your girlfriends put in their two cents about how to handle him AND the issue.*

Security Check 4: Inviting others into a relationship that was built by two people for two people is like diving headfirst into quicksand. You’re going to suck the life out of it. Point blank. It’s like a breeding ground for miscommunication anyway. All of a sudden, it’s not just your thoughts and perspectives in this relationship. It’s you and your girls. If you’re truly at a loss and want some advice, both of you can talk it over with an impartial friend that you both trust and respect.


Not every relationship is the iron-clad-Bonnie-and-Clyde style or the "you and me against the world type," but every last relationship will be tested leaving room for insecurities to pop up if you let them. What are some other ways that you can make sure you are secure in your relationship? What other issues pop up that demand a levelheaded, secure response from a couple? Share your thoughts, please.

Kirsten

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1 Response to Top Flight Security: Don’t Get in a Relationship without Some!

January 1, 2011 at 2:02 PM

The part of this blog that stood out the most to me is the mentioning of sharing relationship problems with others. I totally agree this is relationship homicide. When you complain to friends and family about his wrong-doings, they only hear one side of the story. And honestly, NOBODY is completely (if at all) objective when they are emotional and telling a story. So you have your girlfriends and family on your side and agreeing that your boyfriend was horrible for doing/saying such things. Now when you patch things up (because, hey, your family and friends don't have the same feelings for this dude that you have), those same friends and family will judge you for forgiving him.

Then what could happen? Heaven forbid you marry the guy. Family/friends won't like him and gatherings may be uncomfortable, thus making gatherings few and far between. Then it will look as if girl chooses guy over pre-existing relationships and the vicious cycle of dis-like (at the very least) perpetuates itself.

LOL No, this hasn't happened to me but I've seen it happen all too often. I feel like instances such as this can be avoided if people kept relationship business between the participants of the relationship. Like the blog mentioned, relationships aren't peachy at all times.

I have friends who share information with me about relationship woes. As a friend, I try to only be a listening ear and not offer my opinion because, like I said, I don't have the same feelings or connection with said guy. I cannot possibly understand the ingredients, reasons, or origins of others' relationships because I AM NOT A MEMBER. This, THERFORE, does not make me bonified, certified, or qualified to offer advice or opinions.

Besides, opinions are like buttholes....everyone's got 'em but are only important to the owners.