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Love and Relationships: Breaking Even

Published on Thursday, January 13, 2011 in , , ,

“You took the suitcase. I took the blame.”-From Break Even by Script

Breakups are hardly ever “even” especially if someone’s at fault and you two didn’t just drift apart. The “victim” is often left devastated and confused while the person that caused the pain either couldn’t give a care if they tried or is equally as heart-broken as you. But who cares about that person, right? It was their fault to begin with so they might as well suck it up and move on.

Yeah, I felt that way, too, until I ended up on the wrong side of a break up for once in my 24 years of life. I might as well tell you upfront. Blogs have a personal vibe to them, and for once, I’m going to write some personal thoughts. I wrote this post for me—to vent. IF it helps someone out, great. Honesty, tends to do that sometimes, but when it comes down to it, I looked about two years down my own memory lane, and didn’t like what I saw and decided to write and perhaps ramble.

None of the big relationship killers were to blame. No infidelity. No abuse. No dishonesty. No loss of the “coveted spark.” To be real, the spark will always be there. I will always know him, and he will always know me.

I wasn’t ready. I was immature.

Everyone’s got some growing to do. You’re supposed to take lessons learned from past relationships while leaving the bitter nonsense behind, and I did. Somehow, I overlooked my hotheadedness, though. I felt like it was a justified reaction. Oh the stories I could tell, but I won’t. Their wrongs seemed to overshadow my issue. I realize now, though, perfection does not exist in relationships. When one ends, it may not be your fault, but don’t just look at where the other person went wrong. Look at how you handled yourself, too.

In my case, I was Ms. Feisty. The one who said whatever, whenever to WHOEVER and felt absolutely no remorse simply because they had it coming. They hurt me so I hurt them with words, and they had no choice but to sit there and take it because like I said it was their fault—not mine.

Two years ago, I got angry, and I let it rip! I blew the smallest thing into some kind of massive proportion, and when I finally let that last insult fly out of my mouth, my face felt as hot as the Sahara Desert and something cool started streaming down the side of my face. It was useless. It was over, and I knew that before he said anything. Everyone has their limits. I knew his, but decided to push pass them. Apologies were necessary and forthcoming, but I knew they could never be a big enough bandage to fix the damage I caused.

I lost my friend. I lost my confidante. I lost someone who could get me to spill my feelings in less than two seconds flat…and for those that know me, they realize what a miracle that is since I guard my feelings and hide them in “vaults” and things. Ha ha..Kinda out of character that I'm talking about them on the blog, but oh well...

People always told me words were powerful things. I knew they could make sadness vanish through a crack in a wall and let happiness sneak in from just around the corner. But they also took “the good” in my relationship down a few notches straight to “the bad” and “the ugly” with no pit stops on the way or a chance in hell for a return flight.

I’m happy to say that I’ve changed, though. My words aren’t quite so rough around the edges now. I think before I speak most of the time, but I’m a work in progress. What can I say?

I did learn an all too important lesson that I will always take with me, though:

When you care about someone, no matter what the argument is about you shouldn’t be able to or WANT to say hurtful things to them.

Those could be your last words to them and your last impression on them. Do you really want to send them off that way? And furthermore, if you put yourself in their shoes and were on the receiving end of your carefully crafted word choice, would you be able to take it or would you tell your own self to kick rocks? Just a thought!

I’ve rambled enough. I have some more thinking to do. I feel slightly better, but I know I have more learning to do. :/

Kirsten

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