Think About it Thursday: Who Killed Courting?

Published on Thursday, June 9, 2011 in , , ,

Forty years ago, a woman went on a date and was treated like a lady. There was no laying up involved. Going dutch was not an option. It was purely two people having a night out on the town where the man wanted her to enjoy herself, to feel special, and most importantly to realize that she was “well-taken care of.” His goal was to please her. Knowing that she enjoyed herself and would consider dating him again was payment enough.

The purpose then was not to date as many people they possibly could. The point was to find “the one” and commit. They wanted to build a future with them. How many people can you actually say you wanted to build a future with and work towards marriage with? If you’re like me, when I look back, I can’t say it was too many.

So my question to you is what changed or more importantly who changed?

Somehow the value of true committed relationships plummeted and never recovered, and all we were left with were stereotypes on how to conduct ourselves in the NEW dating scene. Where did the stereotypes of the I-don’t-need-you-because-I’m-independent woman come from or the women-come-a-dime-a-dozen-thinking men come from?

Deep down, we’re not willing to court because we've forgotten the value that each gender can bring to a relationship. A man should know that a woman isn’t a dime a dozen. The right woman is priceless and courting fees should not be an issue. She can actually turn out to be a stronger support system than the very backbone he was given at birth, but that part of a woman isn’t treasured anymore. And ladies, by us declaring that we don’t need them, we lose sight that they were put her to protect us and provide for us.

I’ve touched on this a little bit already, but feminism came into play at some point, too. I don’t know if we all met up one day and said we’re claiming our independence from this moment on and, Destiny’s Child/Beyonce will belt out all our annual theme songs from this point forward, but at some point you have to think about why we got that way.

When it boils down to it, I believe it’s partly due to double standards and injustices that need to be corrected, but as of late, I’ve started to realize it’s a defense mechanism that we’ve developed over the years, too. We are afraid to put ourselves at the mercies of a man because of what we see around us.

The pattern we see on a day to day basis suggests that we’ll either get played or left high and dry if we go out on a limb and trust someone with our heart, and none of us want to be in that situation which is why we either hold back or remind them constantly that, “We don’t need them.” Would you want to be around someone who acted that way? Would you actually be willing to court them? And honestly, how can you court them if they have that mindset?

You can bring up so many different perspectives on this issue like absent fathers weren’t there to model how to treat a woman properly or nowadays women want more control and don't want to be courted or whatever, but honestly, I don’t have the amount of time necessary to delve into ALL of that so…for this Think About it Thursday, I hope you’ll leave a comment and let me know exactly what you think.

How do you define courting and who killed it? Only two suspects come to mind—either the man or the woman—so “Who Dunnit?” *SIGH* It could’ve been a combination of both, though, but more importantly, do you think courting will ever be resurrected anytime soon?


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4 Response to Think About it Thursday: Who Killed Courting?

June 9, 2011 at 1:58 AM

I think this over sexed media world killed it. Women lost sight of what makes them beautiful and are trying to obtain this perfect figure to please the man's "fantasy". I've never knew what real courting was until I met this guy. It didn't turn out the way I wanted, but sucks for him. As for me, I enjoyed the time spent and won't settle for less than anymore...because I know that if a guy is truely interested - courting a girl is like riding a bike. You just never forget, it'll come back.

June 9, 2011 at 1:53 PM

i'm going to take a shot and say the sexual revolution of the 1960's. Free love and all...

June 14, 2011 at 9:50 AM

Brilliant article

June 17, 2011 at 8:20 PM

Here I come...all super late but I now have interwebs again! (Whoot whoot!)

My two cents....

Everybody killed courting. This issue mirrors the "Which came first: the chicken or the egg?" dilemma. Women steadily made themselves more...er "available" to men (perhaps, like mentioned above, due to the 60's sexual revolution...Make love not war man!).

Men accepted and in some cases desired lower standards. I agree with Shalon, different media are big culprits. Reality has been distorted by what is portrayed in the media. Some women attempted to look like video vixens in everyday life with stiletto platforms and faux eyelashes worn in Wal-Mart. Smh...girls are buying booty poppers so their glutes are comparable to Nicki's....Smh

And men perpetuate the vicious cycle by going for these types. Or showing interest...or gee, they may have STARTED this cycle. Who the heck knows? I hate to be a pessimist but I do not believe that courting will be returning. Our world has changed. Technology and media have changed our world forever in every aspect... relationships included.