Convicted Fellow: Violating Man Law

Published on Saturday, December 3, 2011 in ,

Even though cuffing season is in full swing, some fellows would rather pledge allegiance to men instead of manhood. Shocking?! Not really. Allow me to make my point.

Man law is alive and REAL! In my opinion, it could arguably be the original mastermind behind peer pressure. At some point, long ago, a delusional cave man carved some ComMENdments into a hallowed cave, and presented it to mankind, and some—not all—fell for it.

Men Principle #1 came into existence when a woman’s love took time away from friendship and male bonding if you will, and some bitter soul pointed to her and exclaimed, “BROs BEFORE THOSE!” After that, the foundation was laid for Man Law, and that slogan along with some rather rude renditions of it stuck. Go figure!

Putting love and relationships ahead of "the boys" is in direct violation of said laws, and often times, it results in name calling and bickering over just how much of their manliness has been lost. The irony of it all is that the very thing that violates man law is also the same thing that most of them truly want. The only reason I say most is because of a recent discovery I’ve made: There are three groups of men! Whether men are aware of this themselves or not, it’s true! There’s the Talented 10, the Do-Gooders, and the Ride or Dies.

So… “Let me break this down so it can forever and consistantly be broke…”

The Talented 10 is made up of the 10% of guys who know better and have been shown better. They realize that success just isn’t the best unless you have someone to share it with, and they actively look for her. They favor quality over quantity and know the secret of balance. This is especially important when it comes to balancing their time between their lady and the fellas. They catch h&^% for being the settle down type, but thankfully, they're secure in their manhood and secretly, “the boys” respect them for it.

The Do-Gooders are the middle men, and by far, the most complex. They project a fa├žade to the rest of the world when deep down they are conflicted by how they want to be perceived and what they really need. Man law functions with a purpose for them. It’s an excuse to date bad and marry good so they can weigh their options so to speak. Realize that new members to this group are made every day, though. Talented 10s can end up becoming Do-Gooders if they’re not treated right. It’s the same theory as good girls going bad. In this case, man law is a crutch for them. They use it to recover their feelings after they’ve been hurt until they eventually find “the one”. Until then, they begin to embrace the misery loves company principle and become best buddies with the last type of man.

Ride or Dies are simpletons that have fallen for the hype. They see the act put on by their friends and assume it’s really the truth, and we all know what happens when you assume. These are the brothers that only have Tyrone to call at the end of the day. They grow bitter when they realize they’re the last “boy” left. Everyone else has crossed the finish line while they’re still struggling on lap two. Not so fun being the only one left to mingle in clubs where everyone’s a decade younger than you, hunh, pal? Thankfully, for us, this is also a minority on the men spectrum.

Ladies, you might have met all three types or just the same ole one. Either way, next time you notice your honey acting a little different, let him in on the secret. You know man law, too, and deep down it’s just an elaborate scheme to cover up He-motions.

Besides when it all comes down to it, They do, they do, they do, they do, they do love you!

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